BBC:SPRINGTIME FOR HUMBLE IN POODLE LAND

BBC'S SPRINGWATCH is a rat's dropping of it's former self without Mr Natural aka Bill Oddie.

Little birdies whispered that nest-haired and needy Kate Humble needed poodle boy co-presenters rather that earthy Bill, and allegedly magpied him off the show.

A few nutcase complaints that bygum funnyman Bill was too birds and bees for some daughters were used to replace him with emasculated and unfunny southern softies like Packham, who is ironically a failed THE BILL actor.

The Beeb should ask the real talent if they preferred Oddie. Would the bunnies and badgers say no? I don't think so. But they would say no to the birdsong tape-loops played behind Mr and Mrs Numpty when they're on camera.

More dark joy with PM Brown's electoral visit to Rochdale where he accosts Bill who is dressed in clogs and shawl on his way to wash smalls on a flatstone by his beloved River Roch. In the car later, Brown is infamously heard to mutter, "Goodies TV reruns? Not while I'm PM!" So there is hope then...

BBC SHOOTOUT HORROR: THE GOBBY GUNSLINGERS

Eddie Mair thinks he has joined the ranks of GOBBY GUNSLINGERS, the killer interviewers formerly led by Paxman, who think they are kingmakers, but every interview is really about them.

Mair's PM interview with Nick Clegg was loaded with cheap verbal tricks and catches to show how sharp Mair thinks he is. Yet, whether good or bad, Clegg and most other interviewees are doers, while Mair is just a talker.

Or maybe Mair now thinks he is King following Paxman's fall recently when his Cameron interview putrified into a Party Broadcast on Behalf of Sycophancy.

Rottweiller Paxman suddenly turned poodle; slumped, leaning slightly forward, with moist, loving eyes at his buddy. Gone were the snarling questions, replaced with the odd whimper between the long uninterrupted speeches he allowed Macaroon. Welcome to Boot Hill.