Do you leap out of bed like a lark – or feel more like a dodo?
Victims of oversleeping are easy to spot: The man’s in such a rush, he’s halfway to work before realising his underpants are on the wrong way round. How can he tell? He can read the label. The underpants are on his head, instead of his fireman’s helmet!
Ladies put on a much braver face. As soon as they wake up they make up. But if she gets up late, one of the symptoms is lastminute lips. She’s so dozy, slapping on the lippy, it looks like she’s kissed a post box with wet paint!
Oversleeping can damage your wealth too. So polish up some good excuses before ringing work. “Sorry boss, my girlfriend wouldn’t undo the shackles.” Or just whisper diarrhoea.They won’t want to know any more.
But how can you beat the clock? Well, digital alarms from China are useless. Push that cheeky little snooze button, for just another 10 minutes, and before you know it, it’s bedtime again! It’s economic warfare to make the entire western world late for work.
Except for the Germans, that is. Herman needs no artificial aids. At the crack of dawn, he vorsprungs out of bed and Volkswagens down the Autobahn, arriving just as the hooter blows at his sausage factory.
I rely on my classic, wind-up alarm clock, you can still hear it clanging after being wrapped in a duvet and thrown downstairs. Sailors in the ship canal grab their lifejackets and jump overboard.
But when you finally manage to rise and shine, and clock in early, do you get any thanks? The boss looks at his watch: “You’re on time! What’s wrong, insomnia? Grown tired of daytime TV?”
© Mike Atkinson
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