MOST WANTED: Attention directed to dangerous fur-coated and masked gang of three thieves, who never speak but menace victims with sacks to fill with valuables. They have already caused heart attacks and hernias following explosive fits of laughter at their criminal ineptness, and the sight of their knuckles dragging along the ground.
In a Paris betting shop raid, they robbed the babycare shop next door by mistake; then fled with sacks of banana babyfood and wearing plastic baby potties on their heads. Staff shat themselves laughing in the potties left behind
In Geneva, les voleurs targeted Credit Swiz, yet hit the adjoining bonbon shop instead; ignoring the till but plundering every bag of toffee banana splits.
Their biggest blag would have been the Bank of England if they weren't distracted by a grocer's barrow outside heaped with monkey-nuts and,er, bananas. Watching Bank staff coughed up their caviar lunches, convulsed with mirth, as the blaggers fled with the fruit.
FLASH UPDATE: London Zoo security reports cache of banana split toffee, monkey-nuts and banana skins found behind chimpanzee house. Three chimps are missing. Interpol insist this news totally unrelated to reports of three trainee Interpol London undercover officers disciplined for dragging their knuckles along HQ corridors and dropping, er, banana skins.
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