Military Intelligence appoint me Controller: Operation Oxymoron. They need to get staffed but their training budget has been slashed.
So I conscript a force already skilled in scamming and skulduggery, and all eminently expendable: send in the clowns. First, I licence to kill the legions of wannabe stand-ups; all expert killjoys, who are well used to escaping from murderously unamused audiences, to safe houses like BBC3 and CH4 where humour is not the password.
Posted to Kabul's Hippodrome, the likes of Russell Howard, Mitchell and Webb torment the Taliban into self immolation with dud gags and nob jokes, whose full awfulness is only revealed when sand gets in the laugh machine.
Next into the looking glass war go the smug, jumped-up panel show royalty led by Princesses Brigstocke, Carr and Lee Muck. At the arse end of their uncomic careers, their only apt insertion point is up the sewer of Tehran's Comedy Store. Their mission: to disentertain and panic the Persians into desertion, when they spy the huge secret army of duff writers who script our Princesses every ad-lib and winge, often aimed jealously at better northern stand-ups.
In Sun Tzu's Art of War this tactic is dismissed as: Mo Lan Yeung!
No comments:
Post a Comment